My 1st Blog entry

So, I've decided to start a blog, as I'm fed up with the 140 character limit of Twitter constipating what I would like to say.... for those who know me, they've probably already hammered Google into their browser to rid themselves of this page before reading this far, and for those who don't know me, then well done for coming this far.  I intend to use this precious area of the Tinterweb to vent my frustrations that seem to collect in my hour commute to work, made twice as bad by being unable to vent to my colleagues for fear of "offending" anybody and being hauled into HR by the short and curlies across a bed of hot coals, and by the time I commute home, it's just pure unadulterated road rage, which will one day lead to an official shredding of my driving licence by a smirking, pious magistrate with an axe to grind and chronic impotence!

Plus, I don't like Facebook...

FACEBOOK

Where do I begin?!  I used to be on Facebook, I found it useful for getting back in contact with old friends, seeing how many of my mates from school are now bald and obviously lying about their jobs, and finding old girlfriends to bang again!  HOWEVER, all was well and good until Facebook really caught on, and these App things started to appear all over the place.  Scrolling through my news feed to actually find some words that a human had typed was like having teeth pulled....... Lucy has scored 2000 in Bejewled!!! Has she??  What a tosser!!  Sarah needs some nails for Farmville, urgently!!  Does she?? Shit, and B&Q are shut now as it's 2am!!!  And then finally when I do find a status, it's some pointless crap like "ANNA... is tired. Going 2 bed" Are you? Are you really? Well done you!  Now did you put that onto a public forum because a) every time you do anything that doesn't involve being asleep, you have to let every bugger know because of some sort of personality disorder, and before Facebook was around you text every single contact in your phone the same sort of crap.... or... as I strongly suspect...b) to get lots of attention from people you don't actually know in real life, because you're trying to fill some sad gap in your life??

I got an email the other day..."FIND YOUR PERFECT PARTNER ON FACEBOOK!!"
No, Facebook, my perfect partner is not someone who spends all their spare time tending virtual farms, and seeking virtual attention from complete strangers (unless they've got a brilliant score on Bejewlled Blitz and then I may consider it...... as if!!!!)

And some blokes on there - why do they put a picture of their car as their profile picture?!?!?  Are they actually really a Transformer??  Then Facebook should add an Autobot/Decepticon tick box under the male/female one then.  Or are they just boy-racer wankers???

Dave B likes this

Excellent!  Thanks Dave - I'm living the dream now, and awaiting fame to beckon!  All I need now are a load of chavs to start arguing and abusing each other in a 30 foot long comment stream under this status, to make my life complete! And it would really make it that extra bit special if the comments were laced with appalling grammar, txt talk, consistent spelling errors, and other general displays of complete ignorance!!

That's my rant for the day done, no doubt there will be more to follow soon.

My final note is that, Blogspot is a Google product, on a Google page, that I am accessing with a GOOGLE web browser, and yet it has put that annoying red, wiggly, you-can't-spell line under these words... blog and Blogspot!

Well done, Google - you remind me of a grizzled, Nazi schoolteacher, leaning over my shoulder, and scrawling red pen on my exercise book, just because the words are not in your 1st edition English Dictionary that's been personally autographed by Samuel Pepys!! EPIC FAIL!!

Till the next time..

J