Complaint I made to Walkers Crisps in 2010

While we're on the letters of complaint theme, I thought I'd share a letter of complaint I wrote to Walkers Crisps (potato chips for any trans-Atlantic readers) notorious for their bags of air and a few crumbs in the packets, way back in 2010 when they invented all these wacky flavours!

To: CEO Walkers Crisps

Dear Mr Walker,

I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to contact to you directly regarding a matter which has been caused me considerable distress and anxiety, and I feel has been totally disregarded by your customer service department, and representatives of your resellers.

About 10 days ago, I purchased a multi-pack of your crisps/potato-chips products as I was really keen to experiment with your new 21st Century, New Wave flavours that serve to transport the consumer from the monotony of the standard crisps flavours (Plain, Salt and Vinegar, Cheese and Onion etc) to a world almost comparable to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory where Crisp Eating dreams become a reality!  Can you imagine my excitement at the prospect of being able to eat what looks like a standard everyday packet of crisps, but being able to enjoy the flavours of a 3 course meal - English Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding, French Garlic Baguette, Full English breakfast - all in a crisp sized packet that can be carried in any pocket in my coat!!  I was so looking forward to this life-changing experience, that I geed my partner and her son up for a week beforehand, even making a Wall-Chart where we could tick off the days and we drew pictures of the meals represented by the various flavours you have to offer.

Alas, I digress.  When the magic moment came when I had paid for the 6-pack of crisps, and we had hurried to the car to sit in comfort and have a packet of crisps each (different flavours) and share the experience.  However, on opening the multi-pack, I was astonished to find that 5 packets out of the 6 were what I can only describe as "deflated"  They appeared to have had the air squeezed out of them, by either incorrect sealing or a puncture.  At first I thought it must be a new concept of the crisp packets as nearly all of them were like this, but upon opening 2 of the packets, the crisps were soft and "tired", which not only completely ruined the flavour, it utterly destroyed what was to be a magical family moment -  the look of disappointment from my partner's son was heart-breaking - I might as well have cancelled Christmas!!  I had to take both of them to McDonalds to try and cheer them up, but this did not appease them, and my partners son did not even play with the free monster he received with his happy meal!

I have since had an argument with the service department of the reseller, who did not seem at all interested in making up for this tragedy or keeping me as a customer, which then prompted me to contact Walkers directly by posting a comment via your web site.  I have heard nothing since, not even an acknowledgement email, and I now feel that Walkers do not wish to listen to important feedback from their consumers. 

Please can you take the time to read and acknowledge this communication, and try and assure me and my family that Walkers is the leading manufacturer of Crisps, and restore our faith in the product.

A very disappointed customer 

Sadly, they ignored my email, so I now eat Smiths Crisps!!

Till the next time!

J

Letter of complaint to Sky

Hi follower(s)

Sorry I've not written anything for a while, it's just that I've not had anything worthwhile to write of late.  I have recently been having issues with my digital television provider(s) and have had to resort to writing to the CEO of Sky to try and get them to actually stop counting their money for a minute and sort out my service. Here's the email I have sent to Sky, that I also copied to the CEO of Virgin Media, as it was due to their incompetence that  I changed to Sky......

Jeremy Darroch CEO BSkyB UK

Dear Jeremy

I find myself in the unfortunate position of having to contact you directly regarding the fairly recent installation of my SKY television, broadband and telephone package, as I have had no joy from Customer Services. 

Let me put you in the full picture, Jeremy - my partner and I were originally subscribers of Richard Branson's media outfit for our TV, Phone, Internet and Mobile.  However, when we moved house, the idiots cut us off, as agreed, but did not actually bother to reconnect us at the new property on the day we had arranged 3 weeks prior to this.  After a rather angry and frustrating phone call to their foreign customer service team, I was assured that they would be round the next day (Sunday) to connect us.  As you can probably guess, Jeremy, they of course didn't show up at all, and when I rang up Delhi again, I was told rather abruptly that I was in the wrong, and their engineers NEVER work on a Sunday.... can you believe that, Jeremy????  I was then told that it would be at least a week before I would have my services restored, but they would not be re-imbursing me for the week I would be without it, as I was considered a new customer - without the benefits that new customers get, like brand new equipment, and a discount off of my first 3 months - you know what I mean.  Well Jeremy, I was not having any of that, so I told him that as I was in customer "limbo" between being disconnected and a new customer I did not want to continue being a Virgin customer and to terminate my agreement with them.  The cretin on the phone just said "fine, I shall do that now!"  No passing to the customer retention department, no offer of goodwill - nothing, Jeremy, nothing!!

I immediately decided to call your company, and see what they had to offer - I spoke to a very pleasant lady based in the United Kingdom, who was able to offer me a like-for-like package that I had with Branson, plus an HD recorder and an extra receiver in the bedroom - all for £30 a month less!!  Well, Jeremy, I nearly dropped the phone in shock!!  Can you imagine my delight, Jeremy, that in this day and age, a company could offer more than its main competitor for two thirds of the price.. AND have their contact centre based in the British Isles!?!?!  

Jeremy, I placed the order straight away, and within a week, my new equipment was installed by a very nice man in a Simpsons van.

I have been a customer for about 4 months now, and have only had a couple of reasons to contact the nice people in Scotland - once was when they phoned me to tell me that the telephone lead was not connected from the main receiver to the telephone line and was not ringing them, and that if I didn't sort it out, I would be charged!!  I felt rather put out by this, Jeremy, as the engineer, didn't connect this, or tell me that it needed to be connected or I would be billed,  plus I was made to feel a bit like a naughty child that has just stolen sweets from the corner shop!  However, this was resolved before I was charged, so no real harm done.  However, during the same call to the service department, I told them of problems I was having with my Sky+ HD box.......

Every day, I get a message saying that my viewing card is not inserted properly.  But Jeremy, it is!!  I take it out, clean the "chip" bit as I was advised, and re-insert it - then it's ok... until the next morning!  As I have explained to customer services, Jeremy, this is getting rather tiresome, as my partner is getting sore knees from having to repeatedly squat down and re-insert the card - plus I'm sure that the constant "in-and-out" action is wearing the card out even more.  Why couldn't customer service send me a new card, Jeremy? At least we could work together to eliminate the problem, is it the card, or the box?  It's all under warranty anyway.  This brings me on to problem number 2....

Sky+, Jeremy, Sky+ !!!  What a great feature, recording selected programs onto a hard drive, series link, watch another channel while it's recording, set it from my iPhone - I REALLY like it, Jeremy, and it's a credit to your company, and infinitely better than Branson's offering.  However, Jeremy, my Sky+ doesn't like my choice of programmes!!  I set something to record (let's use "Whitechapel" as an example) as it is on quite late. Each time I have tried to record Whitechapel, and watch it the next day, I get the status (part recorded - technical error).  However, my receiver has tried to make up for this by recording other delights such as Question Time, Home Invaders, and other such programmes that none of us in the household would ever dream of watching!  At first, Jeremy, I blamed the children, and grounded them for a week for playing with Daddy's Sky box and recording things for no reason, but it seems now, Jeremy, that it wasn't them, it is doing it even while they are at school, and I have hidden the remote!  I have checked all the "series-link" entries, and they are not in there, so why, Jeremy, is it recording that garbage, and not what I'm telling it to??  Is it trying to be clever and record things that it thinks I want to watch??  It's obviously not that intelligent, as it recorded a gardening programme for me the other day, and yet the dish is up on my outside wall, and it can clearly see that I have no garden to speak of.  As the most influential person at BSkyB, Jeremy, could you please tell my box to record only the things that I ask it to, and not what it "thinks" I will like - as although Songs of Praise is very clear in full HD, I can't actually watch it without getting a nose-bleed!

Unfortunately, I told customer services about both these problems, Jeremy, and I was told they would get back to me, but nitto!!

I thank you for your kind attention to these matters, Jeremy, and let me assure you, that even though I have experienced these minor difficulties, I still value your products, services and customer support, a mile above Branson's junk, and I think that if he turned his attention to providing something that was at least semi-value-for-money, instead of pratting about in sub-orbital space ships, he would not lose so many customers.

PS, I have never got over Virgin Media or their predecessors (NTL, Cable & Wireless, Nynex), digging up my road to install their cables, and leaving a lumpy black tarmac line snaking down the entire length of the pavement, ruining the aesthetics and wrecking my skateboarding practice all those years ago.

Many thanks

James O'Hara


I shall of course post any worthwhile replies to this blog, so that anyone can see the level of service that we in the UK are expected to accept!

Until the next time!

J

My 1st Blog entry

So, I've decided to start a blog, as I'm fed up with the 140 character limit of Twitter constipating what I would like to say.... for those who know me, they've probably already hammered Google into their browser to rid themselves of this page before reading this far, and for those who don't know me, then well done for coming this far.  I intend to use this precious area of the Tinterweb to vent my frustrations that seem to collect in my hour commute to work, made twice as bad by being unable to vent to my colleagues for fear of "offending" anybody and being hauled into HR by the short and curlies across a bed of hot coals, and by the time I commute home, it's just pure unadulterated road rage, which will one day lead to an official shredding of my driving licence by a smirking, pious magistrate with an axe to grind and chronic impotence!

Plus, I don't like Facebook...

FACEBOOK

Where do I begin?!  I used to be on Facebook, I found it useful for getting back in contact with old friends, seeing how many of my mates from school are now bald and obviously lying about their jobs, and finding old girlfriends to bang again!  HOWEVER, all was well and good until Facebook really caught on, and these App things started to appear all over the place.  Scrolling through my news feed to actually find some words that a human had typed was like having teeth pulled....... Lucy has scored 2000 in Bejewled!!! Has she??  What a tosser!!  Sarah needs some nails for Farmville, urgently!!  Does she?? Shit, and B&Q are shut now as it's 2am!!!  And then finally when I do find a status, it's some pointless crap like "ANNA... is tired. Going 2 bed" Are you? Are you really? Well done you!  Now did you put that onto a public forum because a) every time you do anything that doesn't involve being asleep, you have to let every bugger know because of some sort of personality disorder, and before Facebook was around you text every single contact in your phone the same sort of crap.... or... as I strongly suspect...b) to get lots of attention from people you don't actually know in real life, because you're trying to fill some sad gap in your life??

I got an email the other day..."FIND YOUR PERFECT PARTNER ON FACEBOOK!!"
No, Facebook, my perfect partner is not someone who spends all their spare time tending virtual farms, and seeking virtual attention from complete strangers (unless they've got a brilliant score on Bejewlled Blitz and then I may consider it...... as if!!!!)

And some blokes on there - why do they put a picture of their car as their profile picture?!?!?  Are they actually really a Transformer??  Then Facebook should add an Autobot/Decepticon tick box under the male/female one then.  Or are they just boy-racer wankers???

Dave B likes this

Excellent!  Thanks Dave - I'm living the dream now, and awaiting fame to beckon!  All I need now are a load of chavs to start arguing and abusing each other in a 30 foot long comment stream under this status, to make my life complete! And it would really make it that extra bit special if the comments were laced with appalling grammar, txt talk, consistent spelling errors, and other general displays of complete ignorance!!

That's my rant for the day done, no doubt there will be more to follow soon.

My final note is that, Blogspot is a Google product, on a Google page, that I am accessing with a GOOGLE web browser, and yet it has put that annoying red, wiggly, you-can't-spell line under these words... blog and Blogspot!

Well done, Google - you remind me of a grizzled, Nazi schoolteacher, leaning over my shoulder, and scrawling red pen on my exercise book, just because the words are not in your 1st edition English Dictionary that's been personally autographed by Samuel Pepys!! EPIC FAIL!!

Till the next time..

J